"Am I ?"

During our life's journey,  things go wrong in relationships when we least expect it…The emotional aftermath of picking up the pieces and moving on, lead to this poem written this past April … History repeats itself...On this day it is as real again as it ever was...

Am I Still Crawling?

The beginning was

over before the start…

It was daunting how she could read

my reflection, in the still waters,

like the book about the stormy seas of my mind.

It is said that “still waters run deep”

Is my soul’s estuary a shallow and barren desert?

With too many glaring imperfections ?

Have the depths of my soul

reached for the lighted surface

only to see hope evaporate into thin air?

Wanting to feel understood

is a reflection of my heart

and yet I feel the need to harbor, 

dark, undiscoverable traits...

Am I, one heart only lying to my mind?

As if I was not whole?

Four separated distinct parts…

These hands adorn the quill of

the head, the heart, body and soul...

Without synchronicity,

am I only an illusion of my own wholeness?

After carefully considering

my reflections in the mirror of her eyes,

a panic fell like a dark fog,

blocking the vision into the book of my mind.

Backed up against the corner wall,

I felt like running as my biggest fears manifest

in the realization that our final  moment had come...

If… “Am I ? ” ... is the question?

Four separated, incongruent pieces is the answer…

I’ve been fooling myself all along

Walking

away seemed better

than running…

Crawling away

on my hands and knees

just seems unfair.…

© 2012 Harlon Rivers

A Lifetime of Dreams

Is it loneliness or intuitive instinct that creates the desire to be held in a lover's grasp…unconditionally… eternally?    Yearning to completely surrender to love...There is no greater force than the hollow void  felt when you suspect you no longer ignite that special glow in your lovers heart.  Be the change you wish to see...

... a  poem by Harlon Rivers

My heart beats so loudly within my quivering chest

I look around to see if anyone else

notices the apparent body tremors

Their deafening sound over powers my emotions

A tempest of overwhelming loneliness

floods altered consciousness

I feel the earth moving beneath

the polished cut stone floor

Nervous tension is exhaled as a sigh

into the candlelit, perfume scented air

So thick you could cut it with a knife.

It seems as though the wine in my glass

moves mystically like the storming seas

as the glass stands untouched on the table.

Out of the corner of my glancing eyes,

lovers have embraced across the room

after a romantic passionate slow dance.

I did not look away

I feel visibly shaken and ashamed

for dreaming about their ardent moment

Sensuality awakened, raw yearning totally exposed,

my vulnerable demure is naked in full view

and yet reserved, shamelessly hungry

for love’s enchanting fusion

The trap was set and tripped

the voyeur the only victim uncovered

spellbound on the threshold of a my silent reverie

Lonely, feeling trapped,

awaiting the final merciful surrender to love…

“Oh love, your past memory leads me on

Set me free from the lingering seasons that haunt me

Unchain my unhealed heart

Heal the scars from the ties that bound me

Allow me to come alive again and drink from love’s cup.

Take me to your secret garden

Reveal,  sincerely,  your most intimate secrets

Inhale every breath of my heart and soul

Complete me… allowing us to thrive wholeheartedly,
abundantly living,  each and every precious moment spent together”…

Is it too much to dream to desire to be held infinitely?

As if there was no other soul to love in the universe?

Is it desperation that creates the desire

to be held in your lover's grasp?

…unconditionally… eternally

I will sacrifice all that is me

I will surrender a lifetime of dreams

To walk hand and hand

these final miles as one love…

Edited from a Word Whisperer publishing August © 2012 Harlon Rivers 

"It’s Hard to Take"...

In the world of social media, the stranger in the screen can be unfriended or deleted in the guiltless click of the delete prompt.  New multipal identities and new pseudonym accounts are a dime a dozen .   Words like friend and love still mean something to me but in today's world

    I am obsolete...

"Its hard to take"

Willingly stepping into the circle of trust
With a free spirit inspiring the dawn
When the going got rough… in a moment
Blow up the circle and leave it all in the virtual dust

 It’s too easy to say goodbye

Without looking into real eyes

In the blink of an unseen teary eye and a keyboard click

Traces of unrequited love vanished from the screen

Slamming open doors closed

Are nothing new to see

But a virtual day dream’s door

Seems like so much more than an illusion              

The candles were blown out the instant

 The motion of walking away stirred the passing breeze 

When the music stopped playing

Only the love song was over

Please pull that plug from life support

Before turning to walk away

Throw away the entrance key

I’m so tired of living this way

Even as the aching memory now tugs at my soul

I’d do it again in a heartbeat...chasing that impossible dream.

When you play with virtual fire, there’s always a possibility

To get virtually burned literally spinning out of control

One hundred years from today

There won’t be a trace of this smitten memory

Or a hint of that day when you cut and ran

As if I never even mattered to thee…